For Beanie — a memory book (2009

CH. ONE — meet the bean

— 1 —

this is Beanie.

he found us in a parking lot in Lemon Grove on a Tuesday in March.
he was the size of a tangerine. he hissed. he had ONE eye open.
we picked him because he picked us first.

day one — march 12, '09

"the loafer phase" · '09

window watch, astoria '17

he weighed 0.8 lbs at the vet. dr. rina said he was
"feral but workable." we took him home in a
paper grocery bag. he peed on the receipt.

CH. TWO — anatomy

— 2 —

field guide entry no. 1: the BEAN

domestic shorthair · approx. 11 lbs (heavy on the loaf)

VITAL STATS name: Beanie (Bartholomew, formal)
aka: bean / beanboy / mr. b /
"GET DOWN FROM THERE"
color: chocolate w/ socks
weight: 11 lbs (winter: 12.4)
favorite hour: 4am

key: ▍ ballpoint ▍ red marker ▍ green felt-tip ▍ gel pen

CH. THREE — a day

— 3 —

a day in the life of a bean

transcribed faithfully on a tuesday in june, 2019. mostly accurate.

04:00 stand on chest. politely. if no response → step on bladder.

04:14 escalate. begin opening drawers.

06:30 finally get fed. (tuna, pâté, the wet kind, NOT the chunky.)

06:42 "i did not eat. you are a liar."

07:10 sunbeam #1 — south window, the radiator one.

09:00 sunbeam #2 — kitchen tile, when it migrates.

11:30 watch pigeons. declare them enemies.

13:00 nap (deep) in the laundry basket. preferably warm.

15:30 nap (light) on the keyboard. send 14 emails to "asdkjfh."

17:45 dad comes home → run-of-shame to the door, pretend not to care.

18:30 "starving" again. has not been fed in 11 minutes.

20:00 the witching hour. brrt's, zooms, knocks 1 (one) cup off counter.

22:30 chooses a person. sits on chest. purrs. forgiveness granted.

02:00 repeat from top.

15:30 — "important work"

"i regret nothing"

addendum 11/2019: schedule revised. now naps from 13:00 → 17:00. pâté now CHUNKY only. king has spoken.

CH. FOUR — receipts

— 4 —

EVIDENCE LOCKER

a partial accounting of his crimes, his trips, his vet bills, his choices.

To: Mom & Dad
  c/o The Window
  Apt 4B, Astoria
  NY 11106

PETCO #1287 — ASTORIA
07·22·2018 18:42
CASHIER: KEISHA

Fancy Feast x129.84

Litter (jug)14.99

Catnip "Premium"4.49

Mouse on string2.99

Greenies treats3.99

TOTAL$36.30

thx come again!
[ he ate the mouse in 4 days. ]

GOOD
BOY
★ ★ ★

"evidence" because i need to remember it was real.
he weighed something. he ate things. someone was paid
to look in his ears. he was a guy.

CH. FIVE — the years

— 5 —

a timeline. (incomplete.)

he got 15 years. some of them were big years. most were quiet ones, which were the best ones.

MAR 12, 2009

found, screaming, in the chiquita banana box behind Vons in Lemon Grove. mom said "absolutely not." mom named him 4 hours later.

MAY 2009

first vet visit. given antibiotics. given a name on a chart. it is real now. official cat.

AUG 2009

discovers ribbons. ribbons cease to exist in the household for 14 years.

FEB 14, 2014

cross-country amtrak with mom. yowls all of arizona. is silent for new mexico, possibly out of contempt. arrives at apt 4B 68 hours later. claims windowsill.

SUMMER 2016

brief escape from fire escape. found at neighbor's apt one floor down, eating their plant. reformed. (not really.)

OCT 2018

begins what mom calls "the chunky era." doctor calls it "borderline." beanie calls it "a lifestyle."

MARCH 2020

the lockdown. no one ever leaves. beanie is, possibly, the happiest cat alive. supervises every zoom. comments on every email.

FALL 2022

starts sleeping on the bed all the way through the night. this had never happened. it had been 13 years.

SUMMER 2023

slows down. the radiator window is, increasingly, the whole world. it's a good world.

JAN 7, 2024

went to sleep on my chest, like always. didn't wake up. 15 years. it was enough and it was nowhere near enough.

CONTACT SHEET — ROLL 14 · ILFORD HP5 · M. ALLEN · 2017

01 →

02 →

03 ★ THIS ONE

04 →

05 ✗

06 →

07 → loaf

08 ✗

09 →

10 → tail!

11 ★

12 → pure loaf

PRINT ★ 03 & 11 — BIG

    DEV: 1+1 RODINAL · 11 MIN @ 20°C  ·  AGITATE EVERY MIN
  

    PRINTED 04·22·2017
  

CH. SIX — letters & lists

— 6 —

things he was, exhaustively.

· a really, really good cat

· a chunky guy

· a thief of my socks (only the left ones)

· a critic of new furniture

· a believer in the 3:47am alarm

· an excellent loaf

· an opinion-haver about pâté texture

· a stalker of the upstairs neighbor's dog

· a fan of david attenborough docs

· a snob about cardboard quality

· a softie who licked your eyebrow at 6am

· a king of the radiator window

· a coward when the vacuum came out

· a champion at "shelf"

· a guy who loved a tunnel

· a believer that every plant is for him

· a connoisseur of warm laundry

· a guy who knew when you were sad

· a professional bread maker (paws on chest, dough)

· a small biter, on tuesdays

· my friend

hi mom,
the food is wrong.
the door is wrong.
the bed is wrong.
the time is wrong.
i love you.
— b.

things he stole:
· 1 (one) entire rotisserie chicken thigh, easter '15
· the cap of every pen i've owned since 2014
· a hair tie from EVERY guest who's ever stayed
· half a stick of butter (yes) (whole) (off the counter)
· my heart, etc.

CH. SEVEN — the wall

— 7 —

THE WALL — IN HIS HONOR (above the radiator)

3:47am, every morning

"king of golden hour"

8pm zoomies, perpetual

"more. more. MORE."

(he never thought there was
enough food. ever. there could
be a whole second cat under the
bowl and he'd say "more.")

"the cat is, above all things, a dramatist."
— margaret benson, 1900
also: he was a HAM.

SOUND CATALOG:

the brrrt (greeting)
the brrrrt!? (concerned greeting)
the chirp at pigeons
the silent meow (mouth open, no audio)
the "i caught a moth" yowl (3am)
the purr you could feel through your sternum
the hiss at the vacuum (consistent, 15 yrs)
the tiny "mrrp" when you picked him up

CH. EIGHT — what people said

— 8 —

cards we got. (i kept them all.)

maggie —

i can still see beanie at our christmas party in '19, asleep in tom's hat. nobody's hat will ever be that honored again.

love, julia

FROM: dad
i never told you this but the first morning we
had him, before we knew if he'd live, i sat on
the kitchen floor for an hour just watching him
breathe in that little box. he was so small.

i'm so glad we kept him. love you kid. — d.

      ASTORIA ANIMAL CLINIC

      30-15 31st Ave, Astoria

      Margaret —

      Beanie was one of the great ones. He hated us professionally for 10 years and we adored him for it. Our deepest condolences.

      — Dr. Halpern & the team

"if there are no cats in heaven
then when i die i want to go
wherever they went."

— mark twain (probably) (he should have)
→ i feel this. — m.

CH. NINE — for him

— 9 —

for the bean.

i think about how you found us before we found you. how the parking lot was loud and you were small enough to fit in dad's hand and you bit him anyway, immediately, on principle.

i think about how you crossed the country with me. how we shared every apartment i ever rented. you were on the lease at three of them. (you didn't help with rent.)

i think about your specific weight on my chest at 6am. i think about how the apartment is the right temperature now and i hate it.

i think about how you were a small loud opinionated guy and you were also, somehow, my quiet. you were the thing the day landed on. for fifteen years.

good boy. good boy. good boy.

— m, april 2024

♡ for Beanie ♡

this book was made by hand,
mostly at the kitchen table,
mostly on weeknights, after work,
with the radiator clicking,
and the empty chair in the window.

bound & kept by Margaret Allen
Astoria, Queens · spring 2024

— ad infinitum —

    VOL. 1 · 2024
  